The tone feels dramatic. There are solid themes about abandonment and life choices. The protagonist Luke clearly presents with strong, inner conflict about his father and his mother.
There’s definitely a lot to like about the first 30 pages of the script, but there are elements that are worth discussing.
Beginning with the first scene. The opening begins with a dream. It’s establishes inner conflict for Luke. He clearly has struggles. The identity of the woman in the gossamer clothes, at this point, isn’t clear, but one anticipates this …show more content…
The first act does a nice job of establishing the ordinary world of Luke and Emmy. Luke, as mentioned, has many inner conflicts and struggles about his family and his life direction. He’s happy with the way things are now. He would be happy just being a painter. He doesn’t have a long-term plan. He’s moody and depressed. He’s angry and introspective. He seems to be more of a loner and rather not participate in the social scene.
In contrast, Emmy is more of a free spirit. She’s social and she wants Luke to want more out of life. She has a clear plan for her own life. Emmy challenges Luke and this creates nice personal conflict. She’s becoming frustrated with him.
Complicating the situation is Cecily. One can feel their attraction.
There’s a clear pivotal moment in the first act when Luke learns that Gus plans to sell the deli. For Luke this is a life-changing event. It gives him a goal of trying to buy it, which gives the first act focus and creates good anticipation and …show more content…
Luke develops a nice bond with her.
Billy, at this point, is also intriguing. He creates subtle conflict when he mentions Luke’s mother. The visual image of Luke’s jaw muscle smartly conveys his emotional discomfort. He also brings up the “knot theory.” The conversation Luke and Billy exchange about the knot theory contains solid subtext. Luke says he likes “balance” and this applies to his life.
Overall, the first 30 pages engages the audience and pulls the audience into Luke’s world and one wants to know more.
HIGHLIGHTS TO CONSIDER
Examine if opening with the dream is the best story choice. The alternative is opening with something from the past.
Consider eliminating the flashbacks. This will enhance the pace.
If the goal is other than trying to buy the diner, the goal needs to be moved up and clarified by the end of the first act.
One feels like something major needs to happen at this point of the script.
Make sure that the story is driven by conflict and tension, which that Luke has to solve.
Make sure he resolves his inner conflict before he can achieve his external goal. Also, his inner struggle actually should conflict with his actionable