Midterm Soc of Marriage

1. Promoting marriage as a public good
2. Raise the 5% of couple who are married 50 years

What-marriage is an institution worth valuing and promoting and protecting due to social benefits
Why- men-tames matures live longer
women-protects, elevates status provides wealth and security
children- socializes models, keeps them from poverty & damage
society- civilizes, orders, and sustains social life and values

scripture
books on sex in marriage
books on communication in marriage

Ideal marriage is NOT a union void of conflict or problems. Rather it is a union marked by a lifelong commitment to work together, respect, bring out the best in, and contribute to the overall well-being of one's of one's spouse. An ideal marriage leads to the realization that one is better off because of one's spouse than he or she would be alone or with another.

-enemy of marriage is self-centeredness
-two spouses need to treat their own self centeredness as the problem in order to have a great marriage
-the essence of love is sacrificial commitment
-it's a mistake to think you must feel love to give love

-no legitimate opportunities
-Divine calling for special mission- chastity is assumed

-selfish reasons
-personal choice, sex is assumed

-God designed it with us in mind
-It is the norm: Biblically, historically, socially well over 90% of Americans marry at some point in their life
-opportunity for growth
-opportunity for support and teamwork
-opportunity for healthy, satisfying sex
-healthiest environment for children
-healthiest environment for adults, resulting in
a.greater health and longer life
b. grater wealth
c. greater happiness

not as a teenager but not over 30 = optimal age because of healthy pregnancy

1 numerous candidates
2 education is completed or almost
3 more time to date
4 start life /career together (not separate)
5 cheaper to live as 2
6 sex drive higher
-men 25
-women 19
7 fertility drops after early 30s
8struggle strengthens bonds
9 research indicates greater marital stability
10 bible favors young marriage

-Marriage is optional
-Numerous equivalent alternatives
-Marriage is man-made human institution
-Marriage needs not be permanent
-Marriage and sex are not connected
-Marriage and children are not connected
-Detrimental (will stop it) for personal growth
-Marriage is subordinate to individual pursuits
-marriage is a big mistake
-A good marriage is nearly impossible

-marriage is a good idea, embrace it
-marriage is monogamous and heterosexual
-marriage occurs before sin
-marriage is affirmed by both Jesus and Paul
-marriage is a metaphor for the relationship with Christ and the church
-marriage often results in children, orphans, and widows which God values deeply
-marriage is how God has chosen to begin each of his great new movements, creations, Jesus early ministry, heaven early eternity
-marriage involves mutual respect and love
-marriage is proper context for sexual desire
-marriage is the normal biblical pattern

a monogamous and heterosexual union both emotional and physical that is intended to be permanent is culturally universal and is socially sanctioned

1. rule of opposites
2. Rule of 2
3. The rule of sex

1 pursuit
2 fantasy
3 odyssey

video people about boundaries in dating

arranged
courtship
dating
options

1. community and family support
2. Protection (for both male and female)
3. virginity and modesty
4. commitment and stable marriages
5. Gender distinctions
6. health

1. Independence and freedom
2. more prospective candidates
3. more choices and options
4. more access anytime anywhere
5. personal control

arranged-community & work
courtship- family & communication
dating- relationship and impressions
options- individual & experience

-making oneself healthy, attractive, & suitable prior to a relationship
-behaving maturely in a relationship
-bonding in a relationship

- I don't need to do anything because there is plenty of time
- the right person hasn't come along
- someone will accept me just as I am

1 we want to be pursued, they want
2. men want supermodels with a mother Theresa personality
3. all the good ones are taken
4. men today are emotionally.spiritually immature and take too long to grow up
5. Men want to play the field
6. many christian men want to push sexual boundaries

1 women expect too much from us (spiritually) real men are rough around the edges
2. many women bypass nice guys for bad boys
3. Christian women don't keep themselves attractive enough and many are overweight
4. Christian women are too shallow and self absorbed and just want to be friends
5. It's hard to tell Christian women from non-Christian
6. Lack of availability

-strong relationship with God
-get healthy
-become the kind of person you are looking for
-masculinity and femininity
-learn what the opposite sex values
-dress and groom appropriately
-winsome
converse and communicate pleasantly
-self-disciplined and balanced
-guys grow up, girls soften up

1. be honest but not blunt and hurtful
2. men- be kind and responsible
women- be respectful and affirming
3. Be financially responsible (dates inexpensive)
4. avoid movies as major activity
5. learn to communicate beyond technology
6. pursue personal godliness but don't depend on the other for spiritual growth
7. dont spiritualize everything
8. save sexual contact for marriage
9. set and keep boundaries
10. listen to the advice of mature and respected mentors

2 a's:avoid arousal
3 alls

tradition
assumed
religious vows:mystical union

Biologist Alfred Kinsey
Rejected
sex is nothing more than biology

Evolutionary anthropologist Desmond Morris
Identified
Intimate Behavior 1971

Donald Joy
expanded Morris's work
bonding 1985

researchers
explained
recent studies of oxytocin

postmodern thinkers
confused
no norms what do we believe, whatever

-great pain in breakups
-protect those we love
- relationship turmoil in promiscuous society
-need guidance on boundaries

1. eye to body
2. eye to eye
3. voice to voice
scriptures-leaving
relational stage- meeting
intimacy stage talking
psycho emotional need- noticed

4. hand to hand
5. arm to shoulder
6. arm to waist
scripture- cleaving
relationship- dating
intimacy- touching
psych- affirmed

7. face to face
8. hand to head
9. hand to body
scripture- cleaving
relationship- engaged
intimacy- trusting
psych- desired

10. mouth to breast
11. hand to genital
12. genital to genital
scripture- one flesh weaving
relationship- marriage
intimacy- teaming
psych- needed

skipped/rushed- violent sexual behavior, seeing others as sexual objects
exits bond after step 6- emotional scars, troublesome memories may exist
bond ins broken and another begins- steps are accelerated
repeatedly break bonds- loose ability to maintain effective bonds
gone too far- slow down, outside help break up or marry
past hurtful/abusive relationship- admit, own t seek counseling

1.opposite sex
2. same faith
3. wise counsel
4. serious prayer

1. Is this someone like you?
2. Is this someone you like?
3. Is this someone you wouldn't mind being like?

origin unknown
-announced three times in church in order to object if needed
-first ring probably given to Mary of Burgundy by Emperor Maximilian

1. seek premarital counseling
2. avoid a long engagement
3. use discretion for diamond

1.cost
2. ceremony

1. Processional
2. welcome
3. wedding message
4. vows
5. rings
6. unity candle
7. pronouncement
8. presentation

origin unknown
- Ancient Babylon honey mead and alone for a month, know by moons
-Scandinavian Vikings- capture bride held alone till safe and or pregnant
Victorian era- looks like traditional honeymoon with a trip

1. Consummation
2. Communion and communication at deeper level
3. r&r after wedding
4. time to establish a new identity & roles prior to social re-entering

1. Commitment (engagement)
2. Commencement (wedding)
3. Consummation (honeymoon)

1. Competition (engagement)
2. Communication (wedding)
3. Cost (honeymoon)

-marketing of EWH
- smaller families more money
- cohabitation has changed the order and purpose of things