Personal Narrative: The NYC Half Marathon

About a year ago at this time, I was training for the NYC half marathon. I’d never really taken to running in my life, despite always being pretty active. This was different. After I’d recently lost my mom, running connected me to something larger. When the cold winter air came into my lungs, I knew each breath was all I needed to keep going. It allowed me a space to surprise myself and as long as I kept at it, I constantly did surprise myself-- in strength, commitment, and fortitude. It was the courage I needed and helped me cultivate trust in myself, guiding me past the self doubts and confusion with every literal step forward.

That time, that beautiful space was all mine, something I felt like I never had before, to get lost in and explore. I could finally take care of me …show more content…
After our difficult relationship, the fights we duked out, the misfired love. I began to unravel a mess of untouched realizations. It was all misfired, all messages received at the wrong time or as if our love had been speaking different languages. All of that came back together at full force, a grand infinite love collapsed in on itself to propel me forward. And it came through that imaginary voice of hers, rushing in through the air in my ears and out through every exhale. When I couldn’t go further, I imagined her voice in my ears. “You can do it, Goob,” (a name she used to call me in our happy moments). Whether the following words came from her, the universe, or temporary madness, the mantra, “You are strong. You are beautiful” landed in me from seemingly otherworldly lips.

I had read about finding a running mantra before and how it could help, empower, etc. I had even tried repeating various mantras before, but my attention would grow tired of a saying after a few minutes. Others felt disingenuous or not quite me. This one, however, was bestowed upon me, like a butterfly that had chosen to land on my shoulder, without thought or effort. And it