Dr. Lennell, the Pima Community College professor, didn’t believe in writing essays. We had weekly debates, and created new imaginary creatures, while reading Things Fall Apart and Crime and Punishment. Both texts were appropriate for a World Literature class, but when we weren’t assigned any writing assignments to discuss the themes present in either text, my writing regressed further. When the only essay I wrote that school year was a paper for my AP United States history class, I wasn’t able to practice my analytical skills, and so they crawled back further into the depths of my …show more content…
The original thesis statement, “After evaluating several secondary sources, The Virgin Suicide shows us how the “modern fairytale” that the sisters appear to be living in falls apart through negative self-image, controlling parental figures, and a prying public eye,” gives the reader a good idea of what the paper is going to be about (Contextual Analysis-Initial Submission). It is committing to discussing these three specific bits of evidence, and it is fairly specific about what evidence will be discussed. In revising it, I wanted to make it very clear what evidence will be discussed. I believe the revised version, “After evaluating several secondary sources, The Virgin Suicide shows us how the “modern fairytale” that the sisters appear to be living in falls apart through Cecilia’s negative self-image, the sisters’ controlling parental figures, and a prying public eye surrounding the girls on all sides,” helps clarify the pieces of evidence that I will be using to prove that the sisters’ modern fairytale is falling apart. When comparing my final thesis statement of the semester, besides the one in the paper, to my first I can see a significantly substantial improvement in my ability to make assertive, committal thesis statements that fully explain what I am planning to discuss, without using saturated terms. Just looking at my first and final thesis