The script presents with a non-conventional structure in which two parallel stories are told. One is the protagonist’s “reality” and the other is the protagonist’s fantasy story. However, the script cleverly pulls both worlds together. The goal for the protagonist, Robert, is clear and the stakes are high. The goal of the fictional character of Schneider is also well defined and the stakes are also compelling for him.
Both plots are very engaging. Schneider’s world is defined by action …show more content…
He’s more engaging than Robert and he overshadows Robert. He’s more charming, self-assured, engaging, and charming. He’s smart and he’s proactive. He’s a typical action hero that works well. His voice is also consistent to his personality.
Oldman makes for a chilling antagonist. He’s a worthy foe and it’s entertaining to watch him and Schneider interact. Near the end, one gets the sense that he’s a manifestation of Robert’s father, Thomas, which is intriguing given that he made his hero battle his father.
The story could use a stronger female. Rose gets lost in the plot. There’s no strong female character in Robert’s storyline.
The overall tension in Robert’s story can be intensified in the third act. The tension works well in the opening and with the threats made by Wayne. The death of Wayne raises the stakes, but then the tension actually diminishes when he’s arrested and put in jail.
The script is professionally presented. However, it runs long. Try to streamline. There are a few typos. The introduction description of Robert sounds a bit wordy.
In summary, the structure is very creative. However, some audience may not appreciate the back and forth structure, from one story to the next. Try to tell more of Robert’s story and create a more compelling climax for